The Beginning Is Near

Reflextion time!

I didn’t realize how content and comfortable I am with traveling or being alone until recently. It was that last flight from Dallas a couple weeks ago that did it I think. I mean, I travel a lot and do things alone often but the realization of my happiness was not there. Once this dawned on me, I suddenly felt so much more comfortable being who I am. I am an anxious person. I have high anxiety and major depression. But I realized I am most content when I do things alone. It’s calming. I’m not scared of the “what ifs”. I don’t think in a negative light when it comes to being on my own. I get excited at the “what ifs”. There are so many opportunities in the world, why be scared? Sure… shit happens but you can’t keep that from letting you do new and exciting things.

I get told that I am brave for leaving my life behind and moving to a foreign country. I’m not brave, I’m living. I took the opportunity and now I’m running with it. 

This is what I’ve learned in my life: Nobody is stopping you from what you want to do or achieve. It all falls on you. It may take time, but everything starts with 1 foot forward. Baby steps and patience. I have a whole list of things I want to achieve that I wrote out the other night. It will take time to achieve that whole list and I’m learning patience with that as well. Can’t get too hasty and become disappointed when things don’t happen right away.

And to be perfectly honest, I have no clue what I’m doing. My plans don’t go past my 4 weeks in Prague for my TEFL course. I don’t know if I’ll be staying there, coming back home or traveling elsewhere. I have dreams of just saying yes to any opportunity or adventure that gets thrown my way. I am terrified that maybe the reality is I won’t make many or any friends at all or I won’t be discovering new things. But hey… I won’t know til I’m there. I can’t plan too far ahead anyway. Life likes to throw all kinds of stuff in the mix. Planning beyond the 4 weeks would be stupid and possibly cause disappointment. I’d rather live in the moment and have no preconception of what to expect or do next.

With all that being said… My new outlook on life is a positive one. I have a lot of sorrow and grief but that is only fueling me to be and do better. Just think… the beginning is near. 🙂